(If you’re not much of a reader, watch the video on this topic here)
There is one single common denominator that you’re going to have through all the diverse experiences you will encounter on your life path. One single thing that remains consistent and present through every trial and tribulation, every heartbreak, every win, every euphoric encounter you’ll ever have, and that common denominator, my friend, is you.
You can change jobs, drop friends, move houses and shit, you can hop on a plane and travel halfway across the world, but you will never escape yourself. This is either the most profound thing you’ve heard today or a total fucking slap in the face. It’s the kind of statement that really makes you stop and look at yourself, figuratively speaking. We all know that person who complains about every single partner they’ve ever had, how they were trash and treated them so poorly, yet somehow completely misses the fact that they were the only constant in every relationship they’ve had. That’s not to say that they weren’t treated poorly. Maybe they were cheated on or disrespected or whatever the case may be, but that doesn’t take away the fact that they were present for all of it.
This isn’t me victim blaming, but it is me encouraging that we all have a cold hard look at ourselves and take radical accountability for who and where we are. Let’s take the friend that’s always getting cheated on and disrespected for example, that sucks. But who is choosing the partner? Who is staying despite seeing the poor behavior of the other person? Who stays despite the cheating? Who stays despite the disrespect?
If we know that we’re going to spend the rest of our lives with ourselves, it is ABUNDANTLY IMPORTANT that we learn all things self. Self love, self respect, self image, the list goes on. What could possibly be of greater importance in our time on this earth. I’m not saying this in a self centered way, because in reality its so much fucking deeper than just you. Your relationship with yourself affects the entire world in one way shape or form. It affects the way you show up, the way you treat other people, the things you think you are and aren’t worthy of, and just about everything else in between. It is the most important foundational relationship you’ll ever have, and it deserves to be nurtured and respected.
Think about the amount of care, time, and effort you put into relationships with your friends, your romantic partner, business, etc. What makes you think that the core of all those relationships (aka self) deserves any less? Most of us were taught that thinking about yourself is selfish and an undesirable trait. We are rewarded for pleasing others and punished for choosing ourselves and setting boundaries on what is and isn’t okay for us.
Most of us are taught from childhood that our actions affect others and we should keep that in mind all the time and do everything we can to please other people. In turn, we also to some extent may believe that we are deserving of being pleased by others. How many of us heard this one as kids? “You MADE me mad.” That statement alone is the result of someone who is unaware of their own emotions and unwilling to take accountability for the way they feel and how they react. And that creates what? You guessed it, self crippling people pleasing adults. As well as self entitled pricks who feel like they also deserve to be pleased.
Let me let you in on a little secret, no one can MAKE you feel anything. People are going to do what they were going to do anyway, (a lot of the time it has nothing to do with you and isn’t personal) and you have the decision of how you will CHOOSE to respond to said thing that they did. Example, you’re driving to work and someone cuts you off in traffic, you’re now PISSED. “Did you see what that guy did to me??” You say, immediately making it personal. “He just made me so mad, what is wrong with people?” The truth is, he didn’t ‘make you’ anything. He decided to take an action that he was going to take regardless if it was your car or if someone else in a different car was in your position, he would’ve taken that action anyway, because that’s the choice that he made. It had nothing to do with you. Your reaction could have been no reaction, that is a choice that you had the freewill to make at any given moment.
You choose the reaction of anger, but you’re not taking responsibility for your choice, you’re blaming it on someone outside of you, effectively taking all power that once was in your hands, and giving it away to something that you have no control over. Now let’s take it a step deeper. You arrive to work a half hour later, in your still very angry state. Now throughout your day, an abundance of things are going to happen but your focus will go to the ones that match your already fueled energetic state. So, you’re walking in and someone holds the door for you, smiles, and wishes you a great day. You completely disregard it because you’re still fucking fumming about the day that cut you off in traffic. You get to your floor, and immediately find your work friends and begin complaining about the asshole that cut you off in traffic. You have now opened the door to negativity and the state of complaining, so everyone in the circle goes around complaining about some random shit that they’ve been upset by or about recently, and you’re sitting in this nasty dark victim energy, hearing these stories, agreeing with your friends about how terrible people and the world are, etc.
As you go on with your day, nothing is going your way. You spilled coffee on your shirt, the printer was backed up, and you didn’t hit your goal for the day. “Why do bad things always happen to me?” You say, reconfirming just how much of a victim to the outside world you are. You get home and dwell about what a shit day you had, you feel terrible. What you failed to realize is that the guy cut you off in traffic at 8am, and the entire interaction lasted about 2 seconds total. You took a 2 second experience, chose to react to it with anger, and carried that anger with you throughout the entire day. You, my friend, as the creator of your reality, created an awful day for yourself.
Why did you do that? Because you were unaware of yourself. You have never taken a step back to cultivate a real relationship with yourself and discover just how much control you have over yourself and the life that you perceive. Notice I said ‘live that you perceive’ and not ‘life.’ Things that are out of your control are going to happen all of the time. You might get cut off in traffic, someone might disrespect you, or an infinite amount of other fucking things, but the way you perceive it all and who you make the conscious choice of being everyday is going to drastically affect the world that you see and live in.
I didn’t create this to shame you or make you feel interior, I created this because I think we could all benefit with a deeper relationship with ourselves, and that relationships starts with awareness. If you’re even capable of opening your mind to these types of concepts, you’re already winning dude. Good job. Thanks for being here, I love you, we got this.